


Help Me Breathe Again

by HuntressFirefall



Series: Finding Love In These Scars [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Canon Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-01 06:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15768081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuntressFirefall/pseuds/HuntressFirefall
Summary: “I expected neither truce nor peace between us,” Yut-Lung said. “I know there is nothing I can say, do, or give to you that will change your feelings. Your anger shall never fade, and that is mine to accept, as are the scars your verbal barbs shall leave. Regardless, it is my hope that in speaking today you have found some measure of closure. Running from the past ultimately solves nothing, Okumura Eiji. I hope that in confronting it, the wounds will heal, though you shall bear scars of your own.”In which Ash and Eiji have settled into their quiet life under the radar in the sprawling city of Tokyo, until a chance encounter makes them both realize they both still have a long way to go before they're truly healed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As with part one of this series, this story spoils a pivotal plot point in Banana Fish via reference to past events. If you are avoiding spoilers, you may not want to read these fics.
> 
> Note: The tags for abuse/rape reference canon events from the Banana Fish manga that are mentioned in this fic. Nothing takes place in the story itself, but I realized I should have still tagged for it. So I've added them in, and apologies for not realizing it sooner. :(

“Ash. You know I don't like it when you bring your laptop to the table.”

“I'll be done in a minute. I just have to get this trade done.”

Eiji sighed, the tone of it exasperated as he set their breakfast of omelets – natto for Eiji, avocado and cheese for Ash – down on the table. Even though the bulk of his work happened in the morning and did his best to keep it to his office, sometimes he would get a bit too swept up in whatever it was he was doing and forget about the common courtesy of leaving his work behind him. True to his word, however, Ash finished the trade and set it over on one of the extra chairs. Eiji could tell he'd left it in his line of vision and still running, but at least it was off the table.

“You worry too much. We're doing great,” Eiji said as he filled both of their coffee cups before sitting down.

“I know. But it's like... an art to swoop in and get the buy you want before someone else does. It's a nice adrenaline rush to start my day,” Ash said, reaching for his coffee. After a long sip he set it down and began working on his omelet.

“Ah well, at least it's a rush that won't get you killed,” Eiji said with a smirk.

“See, I knew you'd find a bright side to it,” Ash grinned. “But I still am kind of interested in motocross.”

“Ash, no.”

Ash sighed dramatically. “Ohhhhh kayyyyyyy.”

Eiji had to laugh, even through a mouthful of food; once he swallowed he was still smirking. “I think you just enjoy making me stress over you,” he said, the tone playful.

“Isn't that how you show your love?” Ash grinned back before taking another mouthful.

“Well, you're not wrong, but I'd prefer to show it in other ways.”

“Don't worry babe, we'll make out later.” Ash grinned yet again, then blew an air kiss across the table.

“Oh my god you're impossible,” Eiji laughed, flipping him off before reaching with the same hand for his coffee cup.

“As long as you keep that finger out of my food we're good,” Ash shrugged, returning the gesture which pulled another amused sigh out of Eiji.

“Hurry and eat before it gets cold. We're going to run late if we take much longer.”

“Bossy bossy.” Ash's phone chimed and after looking at it, he turned to the open laptop that was on the extra chair, pulling it over and beginning to type.

“Ash!”

“It's not on the table!”

Eiji sighed again, finding himself laughing despite his admittedly mild annoyance. At the end of the day Ash had found something he was passionate about, along with the izakaya, and if Ash was happy, so was Eiji.

 

 

The lunch rush for the restaurant scene in Tokyo was winding down for the day, with the last pair of customers leaving the little izakaya a few minutes before closing. Ash was in the back room taking inventory for what they'd need before they opened again at six for the evening, and Eiji was wiping up the bar as their lunch shift employees took their leave. He walked out through the dining area and upon heading over to the door had just turned the knob on the lock when a group of three people on the opposite side of the alley caught his eye. Two men, and a woman walking gracefully, dressed in traditional garb that leaned more toward Chinese than Japanese.

Eiji looked down as he tugged on the handle to make sure the door had locked, then looked up from it to find a pair of eyes staring directly at him.

The woman was not actually a woman at all.

Eiji froze in place. Time seemed to stand still as he appraised the view of a person he'd hoped he'd never see again. Older, certainly, makeup on point, a perfect blend of masculinity and femininity. If the person before him had been anyone else, Eiji would have appreciated the beauty they had veiled themselves in.

Instead, he quickly flipped the “open” sign to “closed”, pulled the shade down over the glass inset in the door, and drew in a deep breath. Moving to a window at the end of the bar that was covered in a slatted blind Eiji was able to peer through the slices of the view outside to see that the trio had moved on.

Perhaps he hadn't recognized Eiji. Perhaps he'd thought that the owner of the izakaya didn't want “his kind” in their establishment. Perhaps he'd only been reading the hours on the sign posted on the door and not staring directly at Eiji, who himself looked rather different these days: shoulder-length hair currently tied up in a messy bun, glasses, a few weathered lines on his face that finally appeared in just the last year or so.

Through the slats in the blind, Eiji saw the trio double back. This time, the beautiful man was indeed reading the hours on the door before he and his companions turned toward the main street. Eiji moved to another window that faced the corner their izakaya was near and watched them leave, turning in the direction of the hotel nearby.

Eiji looked down and found his hands shaking; the hard exhale made him realize he wasn't breathing.

“Eiji – whoa!”

Eiji jolted so violently at Ash's voice he nearly knocked over a chair; as he turned he broke into a sweat, the adrenaline causing him to shake visibly. Ash walked over immediately.

“Eiji. Eiji! It's okay. I'm here. Breathe,” Ash said, his voice assertive but calm at the same time as he placed his hands on Eiji's shoulders. Concern welled up in his mind immediately; usually Eiji had the panic attacks at night, generally after a nightmare. They both did, but Ash hated that Eiji even had them more than he himself did.

“What happened? What triggered this?” Ash asked, trying to keep his voice evenly toned.

“Y... Yau... Yau-Si! Yut-Lung! I saw him!” Eiji finally blurted out. “I think he saw me too. I was locking the door and there he was... he was with two guys that looked like bodyguards. I... I don't know if he recognized me or not, but they came back to see what the hours were.”

“Did you see where they went?” Ash asked.

“When they got to the main street they turned toward the hotel.”

For the first time since he'd set foot on Japanese soil, Ash really wished he had a gun.

“Okay. I was going to go out and get our night stock, but I'll have it delivered. We have a few hours before we open again. I don't think he'll try anything in a room full of people,” Ash said, partially thinking aloud.

“Ash! He thinks you're dead. If he sees you, he's going to recognize you,” Eiji pointed out.

Ash froze. _Have I really gotten so far removed from my old life that I forgot?_ “Shit.”

“You can wear a face mask, the customers will just think you're sick,” Eiji said. “But... your eyes.”

“I'll have Ryuzo cover the bar tonight, and wear the mask. If he needs help I can always work the taps from the back room. And if anyone shows up, we'll take it from there.”

“What if they come when we're closing though?” Eiji said. Ash really didn't like that Eiji's shoulders were still trembling under his hands.

“We'll deal with that when and if it happens. We've got some big knives, I'm still pretty handy with one,” Ash said with a wink. “But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Come on. Come sit in the back room, let's have some lunch of our own. We're not even sure if he recognized you. Just breathe, and we'll handle it, whatever it means.”

 

  
After almost three years, Sing still didn't know what to do with himself some days.

There had always been a sense of duty to protect Eiji, despite the fact that Sing was slowly working toward being in control of New York City via Yut-Lung leaving it in his hands by way of washing his own of it. Once he was in charge, Eiji would have been of protected status; untouchable. It was part of his motivation, part of his overall plan, to make sure Eiji was never hurt again. He knew that Eiji could possibly end up by association with Sing being a target even though he wasn't involved in any of Sing's business, and the main objective of keeping him safe in New York, on his own turf, had been the driving force for staying mixed into the world he'd always regretted getting into.

Sing had eventually learned the story behind the “hell” Yut-Lung had spoken of nearly a decade ago, and came to a deeper understanding as to why the then-18-year-old Chinese man had gone so far off the rails. With the means to exact revenge at his disposal, Yut-Lung had reveled in it even as he'd second-guessed it. As time had gone on, Yut-Lung had come to express more and more regret about his involvement in the events that had led to Eiji's lasting trauma, as well as being a part of why Sing's brother Lao had wanted to kill Ash. Sing had seen, aside from his refusal to deal with the loss of Ash, signs of what could best be described as PTSD on Eiji's part over the years, and even as Sing had come to develop a friendship with Yut-Lung, he'd still sworn to never forgive him for what he'd done to Eiji.

And now, nearly three years after Ash had revealed himself to be alive and Eiji had returned to Japan with him, Sing had been left with more of a gaping hole in his own purpose. Yut-Lung had been questioning his willingness to stay in the organization when Sing's interest had begun to wane. With no one left to protect, the desire to cut his losses and live a normal, peaceful life of his own was quite strong. He was even considering relocating to Japan – unlike Yut-Lung, he had been born in the US, and despite growing up with aspects of his native culture, had no emotional ties to China – and at first, he wasn't sure why Japan seemed so appealing. Then he realized that after all this time, despite assurances to the contrary, he felt the urge to still watch over Eiji. Even though Eiji and Ash – Michael, rather – had created a perfect life, and there was no better person to watch over Eiji than Ash Lynx, Sing still felt some sort of duty to keep his friend safe.

Or was it jealousy? Sing had to wonder about that aspect of it. Somehow, Ash had managed to literally hide in plain sight, and even own a thriving small business that kept he and Eiji busy, one that had no nefarious or dubious ties. Neither had to work at all because of Ash's smart investments, but Eiji enjoyed being able to continue his freelance photography work as a side hobby rather than a means of survival. Meanwhile, Ash had literally been reborn and had done what Sing now wished he could: Escape of the dangerous world of gangs and mafia entanglement, and simply just _be._

Perhaps it was that last thought that made the phone call that broke Sing out of his thoughts that much more jarring, especially since it was Eiji's number. It was almost 4 am in New York, but Eiji knew Sing didn't sleep until the sun came up, usually.

“Hey, it's been a bit,” Sing said cordially. “What--”

“Yut-Lung. He's here. I saw him, I'm sure of it.” Eiji's voice was trembling in the 'trying to not sound too scared' type of way.

“Wait, what?” Sing said. “Are you sure?”

“I was locking up after lunch hours and he was standing there. Looked right at me. I'm not sure... no, I just _know_ he knew who I was. At first he and his guys left, but then I saw them come back to check our hours. We open again in two hours and I really don't know what's going to happen. Sing... I'm scared. What does he want with me? And he doesn't know Ash is alive, and if he finds out...”

“Okay, okay. Calm down,” Sing said. “Where are you now?”

“We're in the izakaya. We decided to stay here instead of going home, just in case.”

“Eiji... I don't have time to explain it now but... I have to tell you something,” Sing said after drawing in a deep breath. “I... I am in touch with Yut-Lung. I haven't talked to him recently though, so I don't know why he would be in Tokyo.”

“Wait... what? How long has this been going on?” Eiji said; Sing's stomach dropped at the tinge of betrayal that affected Eiji's tone.

“Since... pretty much since Ash left for Japan. We've been working on... he's eventually going to leave New York to me.”

“And you didn't tell me this?” Eiji said, tone now a mix of fear and resentment.

“I didn't want you to know any more than you needed to. The bottom line is this: I... don't think he's going to hurt you.”

“And you know this how?”

“I can't explain it all now... it's... his story to tell. Just... please trust me. Give me half an hour and I'll figure out what's going on. Don't say anything to Ash.”

“I won't. He's with the delivery people right now, but he'll probably be freed up by the time you call back. Text me instead.”

“Will do. Just sit tight, but I swear to you, it will be okay. I'll make sure of it.”

 

  
“Sing. It's 4:30 in the morning in New York, and I have a terrible case of jetlag. You know I need my beauty sleep.”

“Shut up.”

Yut-Lung's sleepy, amused huff on the other end of the call only served to annoy Sing more. “Fine, fine. Why are you calling me so late, or in my case, in the middle of my afternoon nap?”

“Why are you in Tokyo?”

“Business. Making connections with some like minds.”

“Any other reasons?”

The silence lasted so long Sing at first thought Yut-Lung had fallen asleep again, until the rustle of him rising to a sitting position, accompanied with a deep sigh, proved otherwise.

“I'm going to take this as confirmation that I did indeed see Eiji Okumura inside an izakaya in Shibuya today,” Yut-Lung said. “He's grown up quite well. Quite handsome, actually. At least he finally looks his age.”

“So you're not there specifically to see him?”

“No. We were looking for a place to eat lunch near the hotel and wanted to try some of the local flavor, literally and figuratively. And the hotel restaurant was booked up,” Yut-Lung said. “But I forgot about the hours for such establishments in Japan, and we were a bit late. We were going to go there as the yakitori was highly recommended by the concierge. And then I saw Eiji, so I considered going back tonight.”

“Don't go anywhere near him,” Sing said, the tone almost venomous.

“Sing. You know as well as I that I have no intention of causing any more harm to our dear Eiji.”

“I'm sorry Yut-Lung, but I don't trust you. Not with this.”

“Sing. I'm wounded.”

“Shut up. I'm coming to Japan.”

“You're coming all the way to Tokyo to see me? How thoughtful of you.”

“I know you well enough that you're not going to squander this opportunity. Whatever your intentions are, I want to be in the room if you absolutely have to see Eiji.”

“Understandable. But I remembered him as rather feisty. I think he can probably take care of himself.”

“It's caught up to him over the years. He's still dealing with shit sometimes.”

Yut-Lung's voice was soft in reply. “I can relate.”

“Don't try to claim any empathy with him now, especially when you caused the reason for his requiring it. I need your word you'll stay away from there.”

“I will do as you ask. But as I've already said, I do think this occurrence just lends itself to what I've told you before, about not running from the past. It is quite the coincidence that my business travels have caused me to cross paths with Eiji, especially since I thought he was still in New York, which I had no plans to return to.”

“He wanted to move back to be close to his... family. You've never discussed going anywhere near Japan, so I didn't think it was relevant.”

“There was an unexpected opportunity extended to me, so I decided to explore it.”

“And you didn't tell me?”

“I hadn't intended to, unless a deal was made. But there seems to be a bit of a bonus involved, so my consideration has been given more weight.”

“Yut-Lung, I swear to God, if you go near him before I get there, I'll kill you myself.”

“That's another very enticing offer, I must admit. But I'll decline it by way of keeping my word. I'm looking forward to seeing you again, my dear Sing. But right now, I need my beauty sleep. We have some important business ahead of us here this evening. Goodnight.”

Before Sing could reply the tri-tone denoting the call being ended by Yut-Lung beeped in his ear. Sing spiked the phone into his bed, then picked it back up and booked the first flight he could find from New York City to Tokyo.

 

 

Eiji was putting the last of the clean highball mugs back onto the shelf when he heard Sing's text tone go off in his pocket. Looking around to see where Ash was and finding him out in the dining area, he pulled the phone out and read the text.

_Confirmed he is in Tokyo on business. Not looking for you, but recognized you. Will keep his distance till I get there. See you in two days. A lot to discuss._

“You okay?” Eiji's head jerked up a bit too quickly at hearing Ash's voice.

“Oh! Yes. Just Sing. He said he's coming to Tokyo in two days,” Eiji said. He hated lying by omission, but right now it would be too much to deal with to say more.

Ash grinned at that. “Well he'll finally get to see the place then! Tell him we got him, I'll clean up the spare room.”

Eiji felt a bit better at that thought as well. “Sounds good.”

“Tell him Mikey says hi,” Ash grinned. “But do it quick, our regulars are waiting outside already. It's 10 to the hour.”

Eiji nodded as Ash went to the back to let in the evening shift employees, then returned to his phone to send off a quick reply. Once he was finished he rose, taking a deep breath as he tied on his cooking apron. Swallowing down his lingering fears he moved over to the grill to begin prepping the first batch of yakitori for the evening.

 _It seems that no matter how far we run, the past always catches up to us,_ Eiji thought to himself. _Maybe if I let it catch me, it will pass you by, my beloved Ash. Funny how after all this time, I still want to protect you..._

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Oh sure, I get off my ass and clean the spare room out for you and you're gonna stay at the hotel anyway? Fine, I see how it is.”

Ash – who both Sing and Eiji were very careful to call Michael while they were in public, even if no one nearby would even know who he was – had been yanking on Sing's chain since he'd gotten off the plane at the airport. Eiji knew well enough that it was Ash's way of showing his affection or friendship toward someone and found it amusing, but just as he noticed by Sing's facial expressions that the Chinese man was getting especially annoyed and was about to step in, Sing took advantage of the shelter of the hotel room they'd just entered to react of his own accord.

“What's your damage? You haven't let up on me since I first saw your face,” Sing snapped. “My jetlagged ass doesn't have the patience for your shit.”

“Oh?” Ash countered, with Eiji cringing at the tone – it would seem the two former gang leaders were hitting the ground running. “I have far less patience with the fact that you hid from me for ten years that you've been getting caught up in the Chinese mafia and making Eiji a target by default. To say I don't appreciate that is putting it mildly. What the fuck were you thinking?”

Sing blinked, then turned an angry glare toward Eiji.

“All I told him was what you'd told me. He wanted to know how you knew Yut-Lung wouldn't act before you got here,” Eiji said.

“I don't think you have any right to be pissed off at Eiji,” Ash growled. “Not when you've been getting entangled more and more with shady ass shit, then you were staying at fucking Eiji's house? Anyone could have followed you there, and known he was someone important to you. That makes him a perfect target. If you thought you were protecting him in any way shape or form you're an idiot!”

“I planned to make him untouchable as soon as I had the authority!” Sing shot back. “And Yut-Lung said he considered him off-limits too.”

“Yeah well not everyone gets the memo, especially if they have their own motives. You should have learned that from Lao,” Ash spat back angrily. “You are goddamned good and lucky nothing happened to Eiji while you were being so fucking careless. All of Chinatown would have been seeing a motherfucking ghost if that had happened because I would not have let it stand.”

Sing sat down hard on the edge of the bed, rubbing his face hard with a hand. “I honestly didn't think I had enough connections or any real importance for anyone to come after me.”

“You dumbass!” Ash growled again. “You're tied to the last living descendant of the Lee clan. For all intent and purpose you put Eiji third in line to Yut-Lung himself. You think there aren't people gunning for his ass now if he's in charge of New York, and you're his number two? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Look, I don't have as much experience with the mafia shit as you do! I didn't think it mattered!” Sing shouted back. “And Yut-Lung never said anything other than that he understood why I stuck close to him.”

“Well of _course_ he wouldn't!” Ash said. “Did you conveniently fucking forget how hard he went about wanting Eiji dead? All the shit he pulled on him to get to me?”

“No! Of course not! I know it's still fucking Eiji up. It's just that Yut-Lung knows he fucked up too and he promised to stay away from Eiji and he kept that until now. I don't even know what he wants, or if seeing Eiji in person again tripped some kind of switch in his brain. He had never intended to come back to New York and as far as I knew he had no reason to come to Japan.”

“It was just a matter of time before the Yakuza reached out to the head of the of the Chinese organization,” Ash said. “They all get connected to each other eventually. It's just ridiculous that in a city as big as this, that Yut-Lung ended up near us. I'd have thought he'd be staying somewhere in Shinjuku, near the Kabukicho area. That's where that shit goes down,” Ash said.

“He'd probably be too obvious there,” Eiji said. “Especially if he's dressing like he usually does. He blends in more in this more splashy area of town, especially with Harajuku not far away. No one was giving him a second look when he was walking through the alley with his guys.”

“True. Anyway. You said Yut-Lung 'knows he fucked up',” Ash said to Sing. “What did you mean by that?”

“Yeah, you said something about it being 'his story to tell',” Eiji said.

“Well... yeah, it is. As fucked up as it sounds to say... he had what he thought at the time were legit reasons for doing what he did. He's been through... a lot of shit. All I can really say is he related to you far more than you knew, Ash. That was why I wanted to get my own room here... because I think he may want to talk to Eiji. He's been mentioning for a long time about wanting to have some closure. If he wants that, it needs to be on a neutral ground. I don't want it to be in his room, or at your place obviously. So he can come here if that's what he's wanting to do.”

“Why the fuck would you think I'd let that scum of the earth anywhere near Eiji?” Ash snapped.

“I think it should be Eiji's choice, don't you? He's not a naive kid anymore,” Sing replied with the same amount of sharpness.

“You claim to know how much Eiji's fucked up from everything that happened? I don't think you really do,” Ash said.

“Yes I do! It was the main reason I was staying with him,” Sing said.

“The thing is... it's gotten worse,” Eiji said. “Maybe I had some sort of premonition about all this coming, but... the last year or so hasn't been great.”

Sing turned toward Eiji then. “Did you find someone to take you on for therapy? I know you were looking into it in New York, but then Ash came back and you never mentioned it again.”

“I haven't been able to find anyone yet. I suppose I have to. We were thinking of going together,” Eiji said, looking over at Ash. “I don't know if it's being back together with Ash that's brought it on or what, but a lot of things I'd managed to push away have come back to the surface. And then seeing Yut-Lung the other day just pushed me over the edge.”

“It's hit both of us hard,” Ash said, “but him especially. He's even been having trouble working at the izakaya since then.”

“I keep thinking I see him,” Eiji said. “And I honestly don't know how I'll react if I do have to talk to him.”

“You're not going to be in a room with him without me there,” Ash said.

“How the hell do you think you're going to do that?” Sing said. “He thinks you're dead.”

“So you're saying it's not a good idea to let him know Ash is alive?” Eiji said.

“I... don't know how he'll take it. And there's no way to know if he'd tell anyone else. I don't think he's connected to anyone that would even care or know who you were now but... I'm honestly not sure what would happen,” Sing said.

“When are you connecting with him?” Ash said.

“I'm supposed to call him once I'm 'settled in' to see what he wants,” Sing said.

“Call him now, and put it on speaker so we know what we're dealing with,” Ash said, moving his chair closer to Eiji and wrapping a protective arm around his shoulders as Sing nodded and dialed the number. Ash's embrace tightened around Eiji a bit more when the voice neither of them had heard for nearly a decade spoke its first words, prompting Eiji to take in a breath and tense like a rabbit who'd sensed a nearby predator.

“Sing, good to hear from you,” Yut-Lung said as the call began. “I trust your flight was uneventful.”

“I wouldn't know, I slept for most of it, no thanks to the drinks with a drop of booze in them,” Sing replied. “But enough of that. I want to know what your intentions are.”

“My intentions?” Yut-Lung said, the familiar tone he would affect when he acted as if he had no idea what was being discussed. Sing looked up to find another familiar response in Ash's darkened face, the scowl he'd worn many years ago whenever a threat was present making a reappearance. Sing felt a pang of regret over the entire situation as he noticed Ash silently urging Eiji to breathe, in response to which he let out a quiet exhale.

“You are well aware of what I mean,” Sing said.

“I can tell you're on speaker,” Yut-Lung countered.

“I'm in my room eating and don't want to get my phone dirty,” Sing snapped back. “Now talk, I'm not in the mood for this shit. It's 3 am in New York City and I'm feeling more like that than 3 pm in Tokyo.”

“I never took you for being all that fastidious,” Yut-Lung replied. “What I would like you to do, since you've insisted I not take things upon myself, is contact Eiji Okumura and ask him if he is willing to have an audience with me.”

“What for?” Sing asked.

“I think it is time for some closure,” Yut-Lung answered. “For both of us to put the past behind us.”

“And what are you hoping to accomplish with this? I hope you're not ridiculous enough to think this is going to make things perfectly normal between the two of you.”

“Hardly. Quite honestly, I'm not expecting forgiveness. I think that would most likely be impossible. But perhaps, at the very least, an explanation for past events would aid in some healing.”

“For him, or yourself?”

“Is it so unreasonable to have hope for both?”

Sing looked over at Ash and Eiji; Eiji's eyes were narrowed, brow furrowed in a mixture of distrust and curiosity with a liberal topping of contempt.

“And where where you thinking this would happen, if it in fact does?” Sing asked.

“Name the place,” Yut-Lung replied. “I would suspect a neutral ground would be warranted though. Considering the content of the conversation, somewhere private would probably be best.”

“We'll do it in my hotel room,” Sing said.

“Are you propositioning me, Sing Soo-Ling?”

“Shut up. You know what I mean.”

Both Ash and Eiji cringed at the still diabolical-sounding giggle that emanated from the phone. “Fine. Let me know if he agrees and if so, when.”

“If he does, I'm warning you, there better not be any shit going down,” Sing said. “Your goons gonna be in the room?”

“Of course not. None of my staff need know anything about me other than what's required,” Yut-Lung said, the tone slightly indignant. “But as of now, I have a meeting in less than an hour and I need to get ready. One must put on their best appearance for important company. I'll assume nothing will happen before tomorrow at the earliest, but do let me know in due haste. I have a busy schedule while I'm here.” And in his usual fashion, Yut-Lung ended the call before Sing could say any more.

“Do you know what he's talking about? This 'explanation'?” Ash said, tone incredulous.

“I... do. But it's heavy. Like I told Eiji, it's Yut-Lung's story to tell,” Sing replied.

“I hope he doesn't think it's an excuse, that whatever sob story he has is going to make me forgive and forget,” Eiji said, his voice shaky with a mix of anxiety and anger.

“I don't think so, you heard him say that,” Sing said.

“I'll never believe a damn word that snake says,” Eiji snapped.

“Fair enough,” Sing nodded. “But I do think he at least wants to get this shit off his chest. I'm not going to say he's changed, per se, but if he tells you everything I think he will, it will at least bring some understanding.”

Ash had been quiet, not engaging in the conversation once the call had ended, his face thoughtful. “Listen. I get that he was manipulated and he was used himself. And there was that time... after... in the basement of the mansion, when he helped me get loose. I know there was something beneath the surface, but I was never sure what it was. He also made a lot of... choices. But at the same time... I promised the next time I saw him, I'd kill him.”

“He actually was disappointed that you didn't get the chance.”

Ash's eyes widened in stunned silence for a few moments before he responded to Sing's words. “...what?”

“When I came to my first uneasy truce with him, he wanted me to kill him too. Sometimes I think he still wants to die,” Sing said. “I'm thinking he'll tell Eiji everything... that he's gotten to the point where he needs to spill his figurative guts. It's just... There's a lot to unpack about him. And I know I sound like an idiot when I say that you should hear him out but...” He turned his focus to Eiji then. “But I think you should.”

Eiji was silent for quite some time as he mulled everything over. Finally, he looked up at Sing.

“I can't do this without Ash here. But if you don't want Yut-Lung to know he's alive... and to be honest I'm not sure what seeing him again will trigger for Ash...”

Ash looked around the room. “There's no closet in here, but there's the bathroom. I could hide in there. But not being able to see him and read his body language, if something did go down my reaction time would be cut.”

“I'd be there. And if his goons aren't in the room, there'd only be him to deal with. I could take him,” Sing said.

“You can't trust that. He stashes needles with poison in his clothes and hair,” Eiji said, his tone nervous. “He's too dangerous. Bottom line is I'll only do it if we can figure out a way for Ash to be there.”

“I don't think he'd spill to anyone he didn't know,” Sing said.

Ash had been quiet for a bit before he picked up his phone to do some research. Looking up at Sing, the other man could tell from an expression he'd not seen in many years, that Ash Lynx had a plan.

“Tell him Eiji will only meet with him if he has a bodyguard present, someone you've both chosen for his reliability on keeping his word. That the person will be sworn to secrecy under threat of death,” Ash said. “Talk to him in a language he understands.”

“What are you planning to do?” Sing asked.

“Don't worry about it. Just set up the meeting and leave it to me.”

Sing sighed heavily and picked up his own phone. “I don't know how this will go, but I'll give it a shot.” He then dialed Yut-Lung's number once more.

“You're lucky I haven't left for my appointment yet,” Yut-Lung said, not even saying 'hello' upon answering. “I suppose you have news?”

“Yes. Eiji says he will only meet with you if he has a bodyguard,” Sing said.

There was a long pause before Yut-Lung replied. “Understandable. But how do I know this person can be trusted?”

“He's someone Eiji and I both know very well,” Sing replied. “He's good. You have my word.”

“Considering the circumstances, I will extend my trust to you and compromise on this,” Yut-Lung said. “Tomorrow, then?”

“Yes.” Sing looked over and Ash held up three fingers. “Three o'clock. Tokyu Stay near Shibuya Station. I'll meet you in the lobby.”

“Good. My visitors are arriving imminently, so I must be going. See you then.” The tri-beeps signified the end of Yut-Lung's side of the call.

“So who, exactly, is this person you're referring to?” Sing asked.

Ash smirked. “You'll meet him tomorrow. Right now, Eiji and I have an izakaya to open in two hours. I have a couple errands to run, so if you wouldn't mind going back to hang with Eiji till then, I'd appreciate it. You're welcome to hang out with us for the evening too if you want. Maybe we'll even let you eat and drink for free. We'll put you to work if we don't have enough staff.”

“You had me at free food,” Sing smirked, thankful for the release of tension. “It's been a minute since I had Eiji's takoyaki.”

“Where are you going, Ash?” Eiji asked. “I didn't think we had anything else planned today.”

“Just gotta get a couple things in prep for tomorrow. I'll show you when I get back. Don't worry,” Ash replied.

“Anything other than a toy gun will be illegal,” Eiji reminded him pointedly. “And they don't even really sell toy ones here.”

“I'm never touching another one again if I can help it,” Ash said, giving Eiji's shoulders a squeeze with the arm that hadn't left them since the start of the first phone call. “Don't worry, it's nothing like that. You'll see. Come on, I'll walk you both to the izakaya and I'll be back in about an hour. I just gotta get some advice from a friend of mine. You remember Daichi, right?”

Sing became thoroughly confused when Eiji stopped in his proverbial tracks while looking at Ash, an expression of comprehension crossing his face before he burst out laughing. “Oh my god, you are  _not!”_ Eiji said through his laughter.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on right now?” Sing said.

“Come on, let's go,” Ash said. “I'll explain on the way.”

  
  


  
Wednesday night at the izakaya tended to be a mix of those already weary from the week at its midway point, and those excited to be sliding down the hump to be that much closer to the weekend. As such Sing had seen a good cross-section of the clientele, and ended up helping out at the grill with Eiji (and eating about as much as he cooked). Once they'd locked the doors for the night Ash and Eiji saw Sing off to his hotel before heading home themselves, both a bit more on alert than usual. Eiji had to admit to himself that he really didn't miss the bit of tension in Ash's stride as they walked home, the place where Sing was staying not far from their apartment complex. Ash was never not wary, especially at night on their way home from work, but that extra spark of alertness had kicked Eiji back to a time he was more and more convinced he'd never really forget.

The pair fell into their usual nightly routines once they got home: showers, a glass of wine to wind down, Eiji checking his email for any contacts made requesting his photography services, and Ash reviewing the data that informed what stock trades he'd be looking into come the morning bell. Both usually reclined in the living room together, showing each other funny memes and making note of things on social media, discussing a topic here or there.

Because Ash had been busy during their usual mid-day break to meet up with Sing he had a bit more catching up to do than usual, and got involved in reading and researching to the point that he didn't notice Eiji had left the room. He was just about to get a bit concerned when he caught a whiff of candle, and looked up to notice a soft glow emanating from the spare room. Closing his laptop Ash rose, following the light into the room.

When Eiji had moved in, he'd brought along a gift that his parents had given him when he'd returned to New York after Ash's “death”: a Kamidana, a Shinto home shrine, that was meant for him to have as he lived on his own. He and Eiji had gone to Asakusa Shrine for the ofuda, choosing one together. Though Ash didn't really understand much about the religion, there was something about the mini-shrine's presence that offered a sense of comfort, particularly since he'd developed an affinity for Asakusa Shrine since moving to Tokyo.

He found Eiji in front of it, sitting seiza as always, head down as he appeared to pray. Buddy had curled up on Eiji's left, having not left his master's side since they'd returned home as if the animal knew Eiji needed the support. Eiji heard the soft barefoot steps enter the room and looked up, a sad smile crossing his face as Ash knelt next to him.

“I don't usually find you in here unless something's bugging you,” Ash said.

Eiji sighed deeply. “I... needed to have a talk with Shorter.”

The lump that formed in Ash's throat was immediate as he remembered the quiet moments during which, long ago, Eiji had finally opened up about what he remembered from the last few hours he'd been with Shorter before Yut-Lung had turned him into a living doll, unable to speak, hear, or feel. Of all the things Eiji had gone through, Yut-Lung's part in what had happened to Shorter, who he'd grown very close to in a short time, was the one thing that had stayed with him above all else. Ash had told Eiji back then of what Yut-Lung had done after Shorter's death, wherein he'd given him the means to get free and rescue them all from Golzine's mansion. Neither had known why Yut-Lung had shown that spark of a redemptive quality, however feeble it was, but all things considered it appeared there was more to it than either of them knew.

“I just... I don't know how he'd feel about this, you know?” Eiji said.

“If he's been watching at all, he's probably got the same doubts we do,” Ash said softly. “I... think, in the end, he'd want to get to the bottom of it all too. At the end of the day... I think he'd want us both to find some measure of closure. How he would have felt about it wouldn't have been the issue. He was good like that... he respected how you felt about something, even if he didn't agree. No matter what, he'd always have your back.”

Eiji's sniffle made Ash look over to find the other's face dampened with tears. “He always did. He looked out for me. I wish I'd had more time with him... I wish... I had some way to hope he wasn't gone...”

“Yeah... unfortunately, neither of us have that. I think he shows up in my dreams sometimes though.”

Eiji smirked at that. “Me too. I'd dream about you both. One of the things that kept me going was believing you were with him... that you weren't alone and had him to help you be at peace.”

“Well... I've always believed he was up there taking care of Skipper, the two of them causing hell in heaven. I mean... can you picture his crazy ass with wings? That ain't no kind of angel I ever saw.”

Eiji at first broke into laughter that then mixed with tears as he wrapped his arms around Ash. “We believe that when someone dies, they eventually become a god,” he said. “I'm sure he's up there milking that for all it's worth.”

“So you're saying instead of 'oh god', I should be saying 'oh Shorter'?”

Eiji snortlaughed at that, his mood lifting as he raised his head to look at Ash. “Why are you like this?” he teased.

“Why not be like this?” he smirked. “Besides, you love it.”

Eiji laid his head on Ash's shoulder again as his gaze turned toward the candle he'd lit. He felt comforted that their words and memories were being carried to Shorter by the flame, the thought of Skipper listening in bringing a smile to his face.

“Yes,” Eiji finally replied, his embrace around Ash tightening more. “And I love you.”

“God, you're such a sap,” Ash smirked.

“You love it,” Eiji said, parroting Ash's response in a teasing tone.

“Yeah... and... I love you too,” Ash replied softly. “Come on. It's been a tough day. Let's get some sleep.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I know I only posted the first chapter a few days ago, but this second one really wanted to come out today and I figured there was no sense in waiting to post it.
> 
> A quick note that I did try to research as best I could for the mentions of Tokyo and Shinto here; I'm hoping I'm correct on what I've referenced. If not, please do comment with anything I need to fix.
> 
> As always thanks for reading, and for the comments and kudos so far!


	3. Chapter 3

Ash had wanted to close the izakaya for the day, but Eiji wouldn't hear of it. On top of the many disappointed customers there would be even if they had put a sign on the door saying a personal matter had caused them to close, their employees would lose a day's pay on short notice and that wouldn't be good at all. It did, however, prompt a detailed discussion over breakfast about hiring people who could provide such backup, something they'd both overlooked. They really had no one they could depend on to keep the place running if something did happen that took them away from it, so they both put it on the list of things to take care of.

The conversation would have seemed out of place to anyone listening in that had knowledge of the coming events of the day, but both men knew it was the random distraction they needed to keep their heads on straight. They went through their normal morning routines, speaking no more about it... that is, until Ash came into the bedroom after his shower where Eiji was standing shirtless before the dresser, body reflected in the mirror as he tied up his long hair.

Ash had made a quiet note, the first time he'd seen Eiji shirtless after their reunion, of the scars that graced the other man's skin. The one from the wound after he'd pole-vaulted over the wall with a rusty pipe after being drawn into Ash's world unwittingly only an hour after meeting him was the one he could see clearly at present from his vantage point by the bed. But as Eiji's body turned toward the window, the light caught the silvery lines crossing his chest and stomach. Those wounds were ones that Ash witnessed from his place in Golzine's execution dungeon, helplessly shackled as Shorter, mind forever changed by Banana Fish, had been commanded to murder Eiji – which came back to Yut-Lung's aiding in their capture. In that moment as Ash absently kicked into his jeans, he came to the realization that Eiji was either the strongest person he would ever know, or he'd repressed a hell of a lot of what he'd been through. If it was the latter, seeing Yut-Lung today could go much more worse than anyone could conceive of.

Eiji pulled on his shirt, covering the scars; it was then that he noticed Ash behind him in the mirror, appraising him quietly. Eiji turned toward him, frowning curiously as he walked forward.

“You still have time to back out of this you know,” Ash said.

“I just want it over with now,” Eiji replied. “Or I'll always wonder what it is that he wanted to tell me, and it will always be in the back of my mind that he'll want to try again. And I'd rather not go through all the stress of worrying about that, or of leading up to another meeting. If I have to see him one last time in my life let it be today, so we can both move on.”

Ash reached forward, wrapping Eiji into a protective embrace. Even though Eiji was the older of the two of them, there were more times than not that Ash still felt ancient in his presence. He'd lived probably three lifetimes by the time he'd met Eiji; it was why he'd have been fine with dying that day so long ago. Somehow, Eiji had regained a sense of peace even with everything he'd been through; he'd reclaimed his life, turned it around, because he'd been more of a pawn than an actual player in the game as Ash had been.

Ash's embrace around Eiji tightened as he realized he now had the same chance; he'd had it all along, but he was only realizing now that he'd been the one doing the most with regard to repressing the past. It might take as long as it had for Eiji to attain that same peace... no, probably longer. But if this was Eiji's hundredth step toward that goal, this one was far less of that for Ash... however, it was one they both needed, whether or not the road to it was rocky.

But Ash was still convinced that today would be on the list of the hardest things he'd ever been through. He'd hoped to never see Eiji in pain again. Maybe that was unrealistic, naive. But he'd make it a goal after today that somehow it became a reality for them both.

 

 

“Who the hell is this?”

Sing had opened the door to his hotel room when Eiji had arrived, texting ahead that he was on his way up. But as he came in being trailed by a man Sing had never seen before, he immediately felt on guard.

< “Don't you recognize me?” > the stranger asked Sing, in fluent Japanese with a New York City accent mixed in, the voice semi-deep. Dressed in a leather jacket over a black silk button-down shirt and dark indigo skinny jeans with black Doc Martens, long medium brown hair dusting his shoulders, Sing was quite honestly taken aback at the question.

< “No. Should I?” > he asked.

“Yeah asshole, you should,” the stranger said – in Ash's voice.

“What the FUCK?” Sing was so shaken he actually patted his own jacket, checking for the gun that he knew wasn't there – he'd have never been able to get it into the country, so he'd left it behind in New York. He was also so startled that Eiji's giggling at his reaction momentarily offended him. As Sing peered closer he saw that even Ash's eyes had been changed with professional-grade brown contacts, the kind that looked incredibly real; upon more thorough inspection the apparent nose and lip piercings he wore were very well done faux versions. The tattoos painted on the backs of his hands and extending up into his sleeves were also exceptionally realistic-looking.

“My friend Daichi is a multi-award-winning cosplayer. I told him to turn me into a someone that no one would be able to peg for a disguise. Eiji told me my voice sounds different when I speak Japanese, so I'll just be Eiji's gaijin friend Mike from New York that learned the language in school. I don't plan to talk but if I do, I doubt Yut-Lung will recognize me. Besides, he won't even be thinking about it being me, because I'm dead,” Ash said.

“I just hope Yut-Lung isn't sharp enough to read it,” Eiji said. “At the very least he could suspect a disguise.”

“In the world we're both in, shit like that happens,” Sing said. “He probably won't even question it.” His words were cut off by his phone chiming. Pulling it out of his pocket, he frowned a bit at what he saw on the screen.

“It's him, right on time,” Sing said. “You guys ready for this?”

Eiji and Ash sat down at the table in the room, Ash's demeanor turning dark while Eiji drew in a deep breath, exhaling sharply.

“Ready as I'm ever going to be,” Eiji said.

“Same,” Ash concurred.

“Okay. I'll be right back,” Sing said, rising and heading out the door. Eiji stared after him, unnervingly quiet.

“I'm still not totally convinced he'll be calm,” Eiji said, turning to look at Ash. In response, Ash casually pulled one side of the leather jacket he was wearing away from his body to reveal a shoulder holster not unlike one for a gun – but instead, the polished wooden handle of a large cooking knife protruded from the sheath.

“Don't worry,” Ash replied, voice dropped an octave into its disguised tone. “I got it covered.”

They fell into silence then, the time after Sing leaving the room seeming to stop. Ash saw Eiji's hands fold, his fingers lacing tightly together. Ash was about to speak when they both heard voices in the hallway, drawing closer then pausing at the door, speaking in Chinese. Ash rose as he heard Eiji draw in a sharp breath at the sound of a voice neither of them had heard for a decade. Just as Ash moved around the table to stand behind Eiji – his just over six feet in height made three inches taller by hidden wedges in the boots, another part of the disguise making him appear even more formidable – the click-and-beep of the lock responding to Sing's key card announced his entry. At first, both Ash and Eiji thought Sing was alone, as no one had appeared to enter with him. But when the door swung closed he walked forward into the room he took a step to the side, and it took all both Ash and Eiji had to not immediately react.

Yut-Lung hadn't grown much more than when they'd seen him last, even though he was now 28. Frame still slight, standing probably about the same height as Eiji, the only things that had changed were the length of his hair with the thick braid now hanging to his knees, and the fact that he'd somehow learned to move even more gracefully than he already did. Eiji rose, doing his best to appear stoic as Yut-Lung stopped about 6 feet away. When he wouldn't meet Eiji's eyes with his own at first Eiji thought he was appraising his “bodyguard”, but a closer look revealed that Yut-Lung was actually staring down at his own folded hands. Dressed simply in skinny jeans over a button-down shirt – not unlike the first time they'd ever seen him – for a few moments it was almost easy for Eiji to forget that this was the same person that had tried harder than anyone to cause his death.

Sing pulled over the chair from a desk that was on the other side of the room, setting it behind Yut-Lung then sitting on the edge of the foot of the bed. Yut-Lung nodded in thanks and sat down, then with an exhale of his own, finally met Eiji's eyes.

“You look well, Okumura Eiji,” Yut-Lung said softly.

“You've changed less than I expected,” Eiji replied.

“I do suppose I've tried quite hard to keep my outside from reflecting the inside,” Yut-Lung countered. “It's taken quite a lot of work.” He sat down on the chair then, and for the first time his eyes flickered up to view the silent man standing behind Eiji. He looked at the disguised Ash just long enough that Sing almost became concerned, but when Yut-Lung's attention was drawn to Eiji's movement as he sat down, he relaxed slightly.

“Since I never got to say it in person... I'll start with expressing my sympathies on the death of Ash Lynx,” Yut-Lung said.

“Because you were so broken up about it,” Eiji growled, words dripping with bitter sarcasm.

“Actually... I was... once I was able to clear my own mind enough to realize it.”

Eiji frowned skeptically in response, which in turn prompted Yut-Lung to continue.

“I'll not drag out getting to the point of this with idle pleasantries, as if we're two friends reuniting. That is obviously not the case. You see, I empathized with Ash Lynx, when it came down to it. I had... a similar beginning to my lot in life. Not in events, but... by way of betrayal from those whom I thought love, trust, and protection were a given.”

“Sing said something about you having a story to tell,” Eiji said. Behind him, “Mike” leaned against the window sill, remaining stoic; it took all Sing had to not look up at him to see what reactions Yut-Lung's words were evoking.

“Yes, well. I was born in Hong Kong. My father Lee Hong-Lung was the most powerful man in the world in the Chinese community, a direct descendant of the Qing emperors. My mother was the daughter of a poor peddler that my father purchased as a concubine at the age of ten. She gave birth to me when she was fifteen and my father was 65. He treated us well enough... maybe even loved us in his own way. But when he died suddenly, well... everything changed. My brothers arrived at the house, and Hua-Lung held me back from trying to protect my mother...”

Eiji was actually taken aback at the sudden vulnerability that Yut-Lung displayed, as if his countenance had been pulled back like a curtain. His demeanor reminded Eiji of someone else who, at one time, had, at first, reluctantly done the same...

“I was made to watch as they took turns raping her, and... once they'd had their fill, they murdered her.”

This time, Sing's eyes did cast up to where “Mike” stood; despite attempts to remain unfazed, he saw “Mike's” face change briefly to stunned before returning to unreadable, though his hands grasped the window sill on either side of his hips a bit tighter.

“I was used as a tool by my brothers since that day... right up to the time of our first meeting,” Yut-Lung continued. “Of course, on top of all the other reasons they felt me to be less than them, who I grew up to be – the antitheses of what a member of a powerful syndicate should be – led them to provide me as a gift for those with such desires. I did what I had to to stay in their favor because, well... there was nothing stopping them from treating me any better than they had my mother.

“So you see... the more I learned of Ash Lynx, the more I realized we had something in common. A need for revenge, to find retribution. If I had every right to be filled with hate, so did he, correct? In a sense... I admired him. After he swore to kill me that night in Golzine's dungeon, I actually looked forward to it. I wanted that battle to happen. Because I knew I'd likely die at his hands, and at the very least, that would be a glorious way to go. When all was said and done, I thought for certain he'd come for me... but he didn't get the chance.”

Despite the truth that Eiji now knew, Yut-Lung's words threw his mind back in time to the moment of Sing's phone call, and what it felt like to hear the words that somehow, deep in his heart, he had feared he would hear before he ever saw Ash again: “Eiji... Ash is dead.” The emotions were needed to temper his response so he let them wash over him, head dropping down to stare at the floor for a few long moments before the first question he'd wanted answered since that night in the mansion finally formed on his lips as he raised his head.

“Is that why you helped him get free that night? Gave him a chance to get out and rescue us?” Eiji asked.

“Yes,” Yut-Lung replied. “I knew what it was like to want vengeance. And to be honest... The events of that night rang especially close to home. For him to see someone he cared about, two people, actually, go through what they did... it was not dissimilar to what my brothers had done to me. To be quite honest... the cruelty shown Shorter was perhaps the one thing I did not bargain for when I was told to direct him to do what he did. I was unaware of their plans to that end. My brothers ordered me to make sure he followed their orders, to spy on the lot of you.”

“So Arthur was lying after all,” Eiji said, the emotions much more overwhelming now as the horror of Shorter's death came to the surface once again. “I knew he had to be...”

The room grew silent again as Eiji composed himself for a few moments before the next question came to him. “So after seeing what Golzine was doing... you still teamed with him...”

“The thing I lost when I lost my mother was the only person I knew loved me,” Yut-Lung continued. “I convinced myself for the longest time that I could survive without it. But then... I saw that, despite our similarities... Ash Lynx had found someone to love, and love him in return.” Eiji did his best not to flinch as Yut-Lung's eyes met his in a pointed gaze. “It enraged me. If I couldn't have the same, then... neither could he. Golzine offered me a bargain: My people whittle away Ash's allies, in exchange for his eliminating my brothers. It seemed like a wonderful plan... but in the end, it left me empty, because it did nothing to erase what they'd done in the past... and Ash still had you.”

“And that's why you wanted me dead.” Eiji was careful to not frame his response as a question, as he already knew the answer. To his surprise, Yut-Lung was unable to meet his eyes as it was Eiji's turn to return the pointed gaze.

“Yes.”

The silence in the room felt heavier with each pause in the conversation, with Eiji not quite sure what to do or say next. On one hand, the biggest questions he'd had about that time had been answered, and he understood Yut-Lung that much more. But at the same time...

“They're all valid reasons for the way you are,” Eiji finally said. “But piss-poor excuses for what you did.”

Yut-Lung met his eyes again, this time with a resigned expression. “Agreed.”

“After you had me shot, I only saw Ash one more time. He came to my hospital room. I was sedated so I could heal, but hearing his voice brought me out of it. I got up even though I wasn't supposed to. I don't remember what I said to him completely, except for telling him to run so he wouldn't be caught, so he wouldn't be hurt again. I left because I needed to go home to see my family, because they were worried about me. But I intended on coming back whether he wanted me to or not. I'll never know if he truly wanted me gone for good, if I was just temporary comfort to him, or if he wanted me to go home because he truly cared for me and for my own safety. I'll never know anything because I'll never have another chance to find out... because of you.

“If I had been able to stay by his side, fight with him, or at the very least just stay safe to wait for his return... maybe once it was all over and he was free I could have changed his mind. I could have made him come with me to Japan. But instead, I was too weak to find him. He wouldn't answer my texts. I never heard from him again, he didn't even come to say goodbye at the airport. And the plane wasn't even off the ground five minutes and he was gone, because Lao wouldn't let it go. You took the last chance I had to come to any peace with either the loss of his friendship, or his death. If I could have gone to him, he wouldn't have gone to the library... he'd still be alive. Maybe he'd still be here. Maybe he'd be here, with me, living a life of peace far away from everything that hurt him. Maybe he'd have had a chance to heal somehow. Now I'll never know. The only solace I have is that he's at peace... but I wanted, hoped, that I could help him find that peace, that I could share it with him. And now I never will.”

Even though Eiji's words were secretly a moot point now, they were still valid and true. He had fallen back into those emotions, the anger and grief that he'd lived with for seven years: the what-ifs, the emptiness, the pain. The dam broken, he collected himself and continued.

“Sometimes I still wake up feeling like I can't breathe, because I have nightmares of Shorter falling on me, crushing me as he died after Ash was forced to shoot him. Because you helped pull him into all of it, kept him bound to his words... which was more about protecting your own ass than anything else. I don't give a fuck how sorry you are about Shorter, in fact I honestly don't even believe you. I can still remember watching Shorter's eyes change when they injected him, them telling him that I was the reason he was going insane... and seeing that last spark where he tried to fight it when Ash got through to him for a moment, then seeing that light I knew returning as he died. He had to die realizing what he'd been forced to do, and have no peace, no chance to know he was forgiven. I tell him in my prayers every night so he does know, every night for ten years, and all I have is the hope that he's heard me at least once.”

Eiji felt like there was so much more he wanted to say, but as he paused to compose himself again he couldn't find the words. Instead, despite the thought he'd had of not appearing vulnerable to Yut-Lung when he and Ash had discussed it prior to the meeting Eiji buried his face in his hands, trembling and taking in deep breaths as the rush of finally laying everything about those memories out on the table caught up with him. Through the haze Eiji felt “Mike's” hands lay onto his shoulders, gripping gently in support; it was only then that Eiji realized he hadn't even said any of this aloud to Ash. It had been tucked away after he'd come to believe those feelings no longer needed to be held on to because Ash was there with him, but he now knew that he hadn't dealt with it all as much as he'd thought.

“I cannot change what happened, nor my part in it,” Yut-Lung finally said after another long pause. “All I can do is offer my remorse, which over time has grown substantially. I've made it known to all of my contacts that you are untouchable. You have no reason to further fear for your safety. It is a pittance, I realize, but it is all I can offer by way of reparations, at least on an intangible level. I have no expectations of being forgiven.”

Sing took note of the momentary flash of relief cross “Mike's” face at Yut-Lung's assurances of Eiji's safety that were mirrored just as discretely on Eiji's own countenance as he brought his face up from his hands to meet Yut-Lung's eyes again.

“At least we agree on that much,” Eiji drawled, words coming slowly as the emotional strain started to show despite his best efforts. “Nothing will ever make me believe you deserve to be forgiven.”

“Fair enough,” Yut-Lung replied.

“Sing may have his reasons for trusting you and feeling for you, and I'll respect that,” Eiji said. “Who he is friends with in his own business has never had anything to do with me. But there's something you should know: You aren't fit to compare yourself to Ash, not by a long shot. Because as much as Ash went through in his life, as much as he suffered, as much as he was betrayed, at the heart... at _his_ heart... he was a good person. If someone had happiness, he envied it, but wasn't jealous. He killed because he had to, not because he wanted to. All he ever really wanted was to be free... and I guess in the end he got that wish. But he was robbed of the happiness and peace he deserved... because he felt he didn't deserve it. He felt that because he was a killer, that he was a monster unworthy of love... enough that when it was standing right in front of him, he pushed it away rather than see it be drawn into his world and destroyed. He never, ever would have been selfish enough to take it from someone else just because he himself believed he couldn't have it. That's where you'll always be different from him. You might think you've changed, you might think you've grown up. But at the end of the day your jealousy took two people from this earth that didn't deserve it: Shorter due to your choice to let him be destroyed because the loyalty he showed Ash is what you wanted for yourself; and Ash because you directed your men to to kill me because of your jealousy... which robbed him of the chance to choose an offered life of peace.”

As he'd listened, Yut-Lung's eyes had cast downward to his hands, his head slowly bowing the longer Eiji had continued, eyes finally closing as he finished. Eiji saw him swallow hard as he remained silent save for a few deep breaths.

“Sing told me that when he'd tracked down Blanca to tell him of Ash's death, that Blanca told him something Ash had said,” Yut-Lung replied, his voice quiet, head still bowed. “Ash had told Blanca that he didn't enjoy killing enough to come after me unless I did so first. When Sing told me that upon informing me of Ash's death... I came to realize the greatest difference between us both. I was schooled in the art of poisons, an ancient one my ancestors passed down through generations. It made killing an art... one I had been trained to enjoy. The stealth of it, the cleanliness. It was ingrained in me. The thought of someone who had also been trained to kill, yet at the heart of it, not finding pleasure in it, not even for revenge... it was beyond my grasp. So no... I do not have the right to compare beyond the betrayals of our beginnings.”

“And for as much as you were taught to enjoy it, when it came down to it... your brothers, me... you didn't have the guts to do it yourself,” Eiji said, his tone spiteful now. “That gives you one more important distinction to set you apart from Ash... you're a fucking coward, at the end of the day. Still ordering others to do your dirty work, even now.”

“Once again, I agree. And only you, Okumura Eiji, would possess the strength to confirm as much, and deliver it with the sharpness such a message deserves.”

Eiji wasn't sure what to make of Sing's momentarily pained expression or his mild flinch as he watched Yut-Lung's reactions to Eiji's words; he also felt “Mike's” grip on his shoulders firm up slightly, proving he'd seen it as well.

But Yut-Lung still had not raised his head. “I cannot deny these things you have said,” he replied simply. “It is the reason that I shall always admire Ash Lynx's strength. It is much more admirable to find it within oneself to do things they must, even if they do not enjoy it. It is easy to see why he was revered by his peers, followed without question. He was called wild, untamable... but for those he cared for, he showed more humanity than many of us shall ever have... and perhaps, even for those he had no care for.”

Eiji, “Mike” and Sing all startled in unison as Yut-Lung rose from his chair suddenly, the unexpected move setting them all on alert as his eyes cast down at Eiji.

“I expected neither truce nor peace between us,” Yut-Lung said. “I know there is nothing I can say, do, or give to you that will change your feelings. Your anger shall never fade, and that is mine to accept, as are the scars your verbal barbs shall leave. Regardless, it is my hope that in speaking today you have found some measure of closure. Running from the past ultimately solves nothing, Okumura Eiji. I hope that in confronting it, the wounds will heal, though you shall bear scars of your own.” His eyes then cast upward to meet with “Mike's”; if the scowl that formed on “Mike's” face had affected him, Yut-Lung's own countenance gave no indication. “I see you may have found someone to walk the rest of life's path with. It is also my hope that your heart finds healing in that, as it is well-deserved.” He angled his head down to meet eyes with Eiji one last time. “Be at peace, Okumura Eiji, as you should be. For despite that you shall never believe it so, I no longer wish you less than that. I do not expect we shall meet again, and it gives me satisfaction that fact shall also bring you peace.”

Yut-Lung turned abruptly then, heading straight for the door; after a moment of confusion Sing jumped up, rushing to follow him into the hall. He saw the bodyguards waiting at the intersection where the elevators were; as they made to step forward, Yut-Lung waved them off with a hand. Yut-Lung pressed his back to the wall, Sing moving to stand in front of him – and Sing found, to his surprise, Yut-Lung's face soaked with tears. At Sing's expression of concern, he raised a hand to stay him.

< “Don't,” > Yut-Lung said, voice soft, barely above a whisper as he switched to Chinese. < “I'm unsure what I really expected, but the damage was more than I realized, despite your words confirming it,” he said. < “Perhaps it was selfish to have even a spark of hope for forgiveness; if you wouldn't forgive, he certainly wouldn't. It is my hope he can find some path to healing, for the wounds are still quite open, far more than I probably wanted to believe them to be. Do let me know if that happens, someday.” >

Sing nodded quietly in response. < “I'll come see you when I'm done here. We'll talk more,” > he said.

Yut-Lung nodded, blotting at his eyes with a handkerchief he'd pulled from a pocket in his jeans as he stood upright from the wall. Collecting himself with a deep breath, he paused one last time before he made his way to his waiting men, a smirk curling the corners of his lips.

< “Tell Ash Lynx my promise of immunity extends to him as well,” > he said. Sing blinked, mouth slowly falling agape as Yut-Lung giggled softly. < “He can wear all the disguises he wants, but even through those ridiculous contacts, his eyes will still pierce into my soul until my dying day. For the record, I've always suspected he'd faked his death. I should have expected he would reach out to Eiji eventually. It makes Eiji's feelings no less valid... but I'm genuinely happy he's no longer alone.” > He patted Sing's shoulder as he began to make his way down the hallway.

< “Do keep your promise to come and see me, I'll order us a feast to celebrate today. I'm not sure when I'll get the chance to have authentic Japanese sushi in Tokyo again,” > Yut-Lung said. Throwing an obviously-forced smirk over his shoulder one last time before joining his men he disappeared into the elevator alcove, the ding, slide and thump of the doors confirming his departure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the bit of a wait; I found this chapter a bit hard to get through, especially after Banana Fish Ep 9 happened. Despite having read the manga, the anime interpretation was pretty difficult to swallow, but it helped me eventually write this chapter once I'd recovered as the appropriate emotions were brought to the surface.
> 
> I *think* there may only be one chapter left, I'll see how it goes when I write it. Until then, chapter count remains a mystery.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash and Eiji close another chapter on their way to healing and moving on.

The door had only just swung and clicked closed after Sing's departure from the room when Eiji buried his face in his hands, breaking down in a way that Ash had never seen before. He'd expected this sort of reaction when he revealed himself to Eiji upon his return to New York, but somehow Eiji had retained that strength, the instinct to be Ash's support no matter what. Eiji had shown moments of vulnerability, but it was always in the context of being happy, at peace with Ash's return.

But right now, after hearing all of the things Eiji had yet to open up about to him, Ash realized that Eiji being this fragile, this affected, this _broken_ shouldn't be surprising. After all, he'd returned to him, hadn't that rendered all those feelings of loss moot? Shouldn't that have all been swept away? Ash realized he was an idiot for thinking that now. Eiji had still believed him dead for seven years. Seven years of regrets, loss, longing, that Ash himself had caused by thinking, once again, that he was doing the right thing by letting Eiji go.

And on top of unearthing the horrors of that time, especially Shorter's death – which, Ash realized, he himself had shoved so deep down he'd blocked out his own trauma over it – he now wondered if there was resentment simmering below the surface of Eiji's pain. Sure, Ash had returned to him, they'd rebooted and found the life Eiji had wanted to give Ash the chance to have... but Ash had also gutted seven years of Eiji's life with a loss Ash was only now realizing was far deeper than he'd let himself believe.

In fact, as Eiji sobbed uncontrollably, almost to the point of hyperventilation, one particular set of Eiji's words played on a loop in Ash's mind:

“ _He felt that because he was a killer, that he was a monster unworthy of love...enough that when it was standing right in front of him, he pushed it away rather than see it be drawn into his world and destroyed. He never, ever would have been selfish enough to take it from someone else just because he himself believed he couldn't have it.”_

But... wasn't that what Ash had actually done? Faked his death, ripping out Eiji's heart – or by Eiji's admission via the words in his letter, his  _soul_ – because he believed himself too toxic, too dangerous, unworthy of Eiji's love and devotion?

Ash wanted to wrap Eiji in an embrace right now, erase it all, remind him that he was here and alive (even if he didn't look like himself at the moment) and that none of what happened before he'd returned mattered now. But it did. And Eiji had every right to be just as angry, resentful, with Ash right now as he did for Yut-Lung's part in his pain. Because right now, Ash shared something with Yut-Lung: They'd both stolen years from Eiji, stolen peace, and replaced it with that grief, those regrets, that longing.

Sing returned then, seeing Eiji's state and rushing forward. He'd only gotten half of Eiji's name out of his lips when Eiji raised a hand to stay him, taking a few deep breaths as the tears began to run out.

“It's fine. I'm fine. I just... I lied to myself for way too long that I didn't need to get that out. That Ash was back, and all of that didn't matter,” Eiji said. “I'm happy now. I have what I wanted, I got the chances I missed out on. But... I guess that didn't mean I didn't need to work through it. Because at the end of the day, Yut-Lung still helped to cause all that to happen, whether or not Ash was alive. I still lost Ash for seven years because he needed to transform, become someone else to survive and feel safe. We still lost seven years to everything that happened. Sure we have plenty of time to make up for it... but if what we went through together taught me anything, it's that everything can change in a moment. Sure he's safe here now, _we're_ safe now... but anything can happen. I can't linger on that. All I can do now is treasure every day, because every single sunrise is a second chance. And that will be easier now that I can finally really let the past go.”

As he listened, Ash decided that, for the moment, he would let his own realizations and guilt rest. Eiji was, as he always had, putting his own pieces back together, finding the things he'd learned and using them to reinforce himself, make his already nurturing, gentle soul that much stronger. Ash had lived a life where every injustice he had gone through made no sense; it was always three steps backward for one step forward. He'd never been able to find the light at the end of the tunnel, the lessons to be learned.

Today, he decided, as he watched Eiji regain his composure slowly, he would start to learn how to do what Eiji could, that he could not. He would continue to be in awe of Eiji's strength, but instead of relying on it, resting upon it... he would learn how to build that same strength in himself, from the example of the purest soul he'd ever known. There would be a time for him to put his own regrets forward, make the apology that he now realized he'd been selfish enough to assume Eiji didn't need. He deserved that much, and Ash would make it happen. But it was time for Eiji to heal, and Ash was now determined to break that cycle of his own selfishness by not imposing upon the importance of what had happened today.

“Ash. Earth to Ash.”

Ash blinked out of his thoughts to see Eiji looking up at him, face still flushed and eyes still puffy.

“Oh... sorry... I... it was just... a lot to process,” Ash said, trying to find the words to describe his current state and coming up rather short.

“I know,” Eiji said. “The more I'm thinking about it... I'm kind of regretting being so cold...”

“You have nothing to regret! Are you insane?” Ash replied.

“It's just... Yut-Lung revealed some heavy shit... I feel like I needed to be more sympathetic. I don't know. I'm just confused because... for all the parallels...” Eiji was stumbling over his own thoughts now as he tried to sort them out. “I mean... I could have judged you the same way. Turned my back, not trusted you.”

“There's a big difference between how Ash handled what he'd been through and how Yut-Lung did,” Sing said. “I get how that can fuck with your head. But you shouldn't feel you have to be sympathetic to him. Not everyone deserves equal treatment, especially when they show themselves to not deserve it. And that's okay, you know.”

“You try to see the good in everyone, you always have,” Ash said. “But. Like you said. It was a reason, sure. I had my reasons too. But you have to remember everything you said to him, and remember how differently both of us handled what happened. That's the difference. And you shouldn't feel you owe him anything.”

Eiji gave a resigned nod. “I guess... I don't like admitting to hating someone. That's never been me. I always try to see both sides of everything, everyone.”

“Sometimes the wall between the two is just too tall to get over,” Sing said. “And there's nothing wrong with that. I say that as someone who trusts him, at least as far as our common ground goes. The way I see it, I'm there for him because he's got no one else. If I provide the balance, he'll maybe learn enough as time goes on to not fall back into those old ways. He and I will never be out of our world... but at least I can keep him from making it what it was when his brothers were ruling it and him. Have some moral ground, some decency to not hurt people that don't deserve it.”

“Sounds like someone else I know,” Ash said, his tone affectionate, almost teasing as he patted Eiji's shoulder. In response Eiji, who was still facing Sing with his back to Ash, raised his hand, flipping off Ash behind him.

“Love you too babe,” Ash replied, blowing a kiss, prompting Sing to burst into laughter.

“You two are ridiculous,” Sing said.

“Don't begrudge us our coping mechanisms,” Ash retorted.

“Anyway. Ash you need to get out of that disguise, we have an hour and a half before we open up for the evening rush,” Eiji said, turning the entire subject of the day on its end.

“Seriously? You want to go back and work after all this?” Ash said, tone incredulous and Sing frowning in disbelief as Eiji rose.

“I need a break from thinking about it, and work will help with that. If you want to talk more, we can do that later. But it's what I need right now,” Eiji replied.

Ash sighed then, shaking his head and shrugging at Sing from behind Eiji. “All right, fine. These contacts are getting uncomfortable anyway. Sing, you gonna stop by tonight?”

“Yut-Lung wants me to go to his hotel for dinner. I should probably spend some time with him before I head back to New York. I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow morning before I leave.”

“Well you need a ride to the airport right?” Eiji said.

“Uh... I was gonna take a cab,” Sing said. “But I guess, yeah.”

“We can do that then, just let us know what time,” Eiji said. “We can get breakfast or something. I wish we'd gotten more time to just hang out.”

“I'm sure I'll be back to visit,” Sing said as he walked the pair to the door. “And I'll be in touch. You can't get rid of me that easily. Now go so you're not late. I'll text my info later.”

Once Sing said his goodbyes and the pair took their leave he closed the hotel room door and wandered back to the bed, flopping down on it with a sharp exhale. It was only then that he realized he'd forgotten to tell Ash about Yut-Lung's protections extending to him as well, but then thought the better of it. It was probably best if Ash didn't know Yut-Lung had recognized him. He and Eiji had enough to unpack and sort through now before putting it all away for good, and the assurance of Eiji's safety was likely more than enough for them both. Sing was also satisfied that Yut-Lung had, for once, vowed to let sleeping dogs lie when it came to Ash, just as Ash had for Yut-Lung all those years ago. Maybe Yut-Lung really was making an effort to change after all.

Sing closed his eyes as his mind became overwhelmed and turned all the information he'd processed into static, finding himself suddenly exhausted. As he drifted off to nap, he felt the last bit of weight the past had left him concerning Eiji lifting. Hopefully now, his dearest friend had all the materials he needed to rebuild, heal and move on, once and for all.

  
  


  
The atmosphere that night at the izakaya was quite lively, almost unusually so. Despite his earlier trepidation that jumping back into work mere hours after such a heavy meeting would be too much for Eiji, both he and Ash found that the distraction was ultimately welcome. The usual conversations with the regulars, as well as a few new faces via a group of tourists from Korea had taken away the chance for either of them to wallow or think too deeply about the afternoon's events and get stuck in the loop of those difficult emotions.

Their end-of-the-night routines once returning home almost never varied, and Ash was quite comfortable with that usually. But tonight he had expected things to feel different, and right now they didn't. Their usual glass of wine to decompress as they sat on the couch, catching up on their phones on the news from the evening that they were too busy working to check in on, with Buddy curled at their feet, the mosaic of city lights spreading out below them framed in the floor-to-ceiling windows of their condo.

But Ash had never really lost the senses he'd developed that his training from Blanca had left him, especially the nagging feeling that too much quiet, too much silence where it felt unexpected, was a red flag. Eiji had already been bottling up a hell of a lot, for quite a while, and Ash knew in his gut that if he didn't broach the subject while it was still fresh, Eiji might never open up again to keep their hard-won peace from being broken.

When Ash looked over at Eiji and saw that he'd put his phone down and was staring more or less blankly into his nearly empty glass of wine, he knew it was time to follow his gut.

“Eiji.”

“Hm?”

“I'm sorry.”

Eiji blinked, raising his head and turning it to meet Ash's eyes. “For what?”

“For taking those years from you. For not reaching out sooner. For putting you through all of that, all of those emotions, all of that anger and loss. For not letting Sing tell you. Just... for everything.”

Eiji finished his wine, setting the glass down on the end table before turning back to Ash.

“You did what you had to do, Ash. For your protection and mine. Besides. Like I said to Yut-Lung, he took those years from us. Everything that happened took them from us. I had every intention of coming back to find you again someday. But I also had the feeling in my gut that I wouldn't make it back before I lost you. It happened sooner than I thought it would. And yes, it took me a long time to move on. I was only just really starting to when you came back. But it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that after everything you survived, everything you pushed through, that something so simple ended it. And... I also felt responsible for that.”

“Wait. What? Why would you think that?”

“The letter. Every time anything happened like that when you were with me... it was because I distracted you, caused your guard to be let down. And I guess above all else... that was the thing I couldn't face the most.”

“I... I mean, yeah... at the last second I changed my mind and I was trying to run to the airport, and not paying attention. But... your letter gave me the peace I needed to be okay with what happened. If I'd died then, if Sing hadn't come at that time and insisted on rescuing me, saving my life... I was just going to back into the library, the one place I was always at peace and felt safe, and let it end there. Just lay my head down, and sleep.”

“I still would never have had a way to know that if you'd died. And Sing never said anything... because his story was that it was too late when he got there.”

“Yeah... true... I just... don't understand how you weren't just as angry at me as you were at Yut-Lung.”

“Are you seriously asking that question? I think it's an easy answer. You didn't do what you did to hurt me. You did it to protect me. Sure I had to mourn, miss you, try to go on without you. You'd already told me many times to go back to Japan because at the end of it all, our worlds were too different. Being shot showed me that. But that was why I gave you the ticket. In the hope that maybe you'd disappear, come to Japan with me where you could be free. It didn't happen the way I hoped it would, but it still did. I'm not going to resent you for taking that time to heal in some way. You had a second chance, Ash. I still ended up giving it to you, and it led us back to each other. I can't be angry at you for that. I'm angry at all of the other people that made it have to be that way, that made your life what it was, that forced us to be apart.”

Ash was quiet then as his attention focused on the city lights for a time, finishing his own wine before he spoke again.

“I guess I just expected at some point for you to go off, asking me how I could do what I did, how I could hurt you that way by lying...”

“Having you back meant far more to me than why I lost you. I understand it. If it's forgiveness you want I can give it, but there isn't a need for it.”

“I'm not really sure what I expected, what I thought I needed or what was going to happen. But then again that's how you've always been. Too gentle, too kind, too understanding, too empathetic for the world I was in. Your presence gave me peace, but knowing that what you gave to me would make you a target, always put you in danger... I knew I couldn't see you again. But it didn't mean I ever intended to forget you.”

Eiji moved in close to Ash, the hand's-width of distance closing as he tucked himself under the arm Ash had resting on the back of the couch; in response that same arm curled around him as Eiji laid his head on Ash's shoulder.

“I didn't intend to forget you either,” Eiji said. “It's just that remembering hurt too much until I got strong enough to handle it. But I very much prefer where we are now over memories, no matter how we both got here.”

Ash angled his head to nuzzle the top of Eiji's head, the scent of his shampoo lingering faintly in his glossy black hair. He breathed it in, his arm tightening around the one person who never failed to fill his heart and soul with warmth and love.

“Yeah,” Ash murmured softly. “Me too.”

  
  


  
“It was good to see you again Sing. You really should visit more. Like, when you're not coming here on an emergency redeye to make sure I don't get myself murdered.”

Eiji couldn't resist ribbing on Sing one last time as they paused at the entrance to security, causing the latter to laugh and pretend to “punch” Eiji before the pair embraced.

“Once I graduate I'll have more time. I'll be back for sure, I've just got two semesters left,” Sing reassured him, pulling away with one last pat on Eiji's shoulder before turning to Ash. “But I know you're in good hands.”

Ash accepted Sing's hug, then stepped over next to Eiji as Sing gathered up his carry-on bag. “Let us know when you land,” Ash said. “And keep in touch.”

Sing smiled, giving one last wave as he got in line to head to the security check. “I will. Stay safe, you two. See you next time.”

The pair watched as Sing moved along with the rest of the travelers, eventually disappearing into the larger crowd at the checkpoints before taking their leave. As they walked back toward the entrance Ash couldn't help but keep his eyes open and alert. Despite knowing that Yut-Lung and his people had left overnight Ash was still wary in larger public places. Eiji made note of his visible relief when they'd returned to their car.

“Are you all right?” Eiji asked.

“Yeah, I'm good. I guess I'll never really be at ease in places I don't know well here,” Ash replied as he pulled out of the parking area and headed back toward Shibuya. “I don't ever think I'll lose the impulse to be cautious. I suppose that's a good thing, even if I don't really need it here.”

“It never hurts to be careful,” Eiji admitted. “I got pretty good at keeping my eyes open too. Just because you're somewhere else doesn't mean you have to change. Well... some things can.”

Ash smiled softly at that. “Yeah... some things definitely can.”

The pair returned to their condo building, parking in the underground lot then heading up to spend the rest of their morning quietly before starting work for the day. Because they'd been in a rush that morning Eiji had forgone his few moments of meditation in front of the Kamidana; as he did so, Ash felt an usual urge to join him.

“What are we asking the gods for today?” Ash queried as he reached to light one of the candles.

“Just a little prayer for a safe trip for Sing. And... I don't know. It might sound weird to say but... I keep thinking about Shorter. I keep feeling like he's around. It would happen sometimes even back in New York. I always thought it was weird that I felt what I believed to be his presence a lot more than yours. I guess I know why now.”

“Maybe he hears us both thinking about him. I didn't realize how much of what happened to him I'd packed away,” Ash said quietly. “Don't the dead turn into gods eventually?”

Eiji nodded. “It takes some time, but they can. But they're never far. When I was living in New York, I'd go to see Nadia at the restaurant for Chinese Tomb-Sweeping Day and Japanese Obon. We'd head over to Central Park and have a long walk together, because she said it was a favorite place of his. It helped us both.”

“Did anyone ever explain to her what happened?” Ash asked.

“When I was ready to talk about it, Sing and I went, about a year after I moved to New York. It was the only other time up until yesterday that I talked about it. She wanted to know everything, no matter how hard it was to hear. Sing had never really heard the details until then either. For what it's worth... she forgives you. She understands it now. It was hard for them both... but it helped me to let the truth be known. I was much more at peace with his death after that. I'd joke with Sing that I felt like he kept an eye on me more than you did. I guess it's true.”

“I'm glad he did,” Ash said. “I mean... that's what he did, right to the end, as much as he could.”

“He told Ibe-san when they were forcing him to leave that night that he would die before he let anyone hurt me. Ibe-san told me about it as we were flying home.” Eiji teared up for a few moments, swallowing hard.

“He always kept his word. That's who he was,” Ash said, wrapping an arm around Eiji and squeezing in comfort. “And I'm sure he'd be telling you to stop being a wuss right now.”

Eiji laughed softly at that, wiping at his eyes. “Yeah... he would.”

They blew out the candles together then, and Ash glanced at his watch. “We better get going, we're cutting it close,” he said. “Gonna be a long day, we both should have taken a nap.”

“That's what konbini canned coffee is for,” Eiji smiled. “We'll grab some on the way.”

They began their fifteen-minute walk from their building to the izakaya then. Fridays in Shibuya were always busy even in the early part of the day, the famous crossing already filled with pedestrians. Despite Ash being a good head taller than a fair amount of the Japanese residents, his platinum blond, naturally silver-streaked hair even more striking as he grew older, no one paid him any mind as he walked with Eiji to the alley their izakaya was in. Ash enjoyed the relative anonymity, the impressed smiles he'd receive when he'd use his fluent Japanese in places like the konbini they purchased their canned coffees and onigiri snacks or with the customers of the izakaya making him feel like he belonged, and that Tokyo was well and truly home.

They paused at the door to the little building that held their dream come reality inside, the place that gave them the most happiness; the one thing they'd created together, working as a team, to create something they could both be proud of. As Ash fumbled with his keys, he heard Eiji gasp softly; looking up in the direction the other's eyes were focused, he found himself momentarily stunned as well.

< “Oh, sorry,” > the college-age Japanese man said in his native tongue. < “When do you open?” >

< “1200, for lunch,” > Eiji replied.

< “Okay! I just started university here. Looking for good places for a cheap lunch, and many at school said to come here.” >

< “Well I'm glad we come recommended,” > Ash said. < “Bring a friend, or many!” >

The student grinned. < “I will!” > he replied. < “See you at 0100, I have a class till then!” >

Ash and Eiji couldn't help but watch the student as he headed up to the main road at a jog, telling two friends who were waiting at the corner what he'd learned before they headed back toward Shibuya Campus.

After all, the purple Mohawk made him tough to miss.

Ash and Eiji looked at each other as the student disappeared around a corner with his friends, neither able to keep from grinning.

“Okay Shorter, we get it. We know you're watching. Quit being a creeper,” Ash smirked with feigned annoyance.

“Seriously. Over the top, as always,” Eiji laughed.

Their attention was drawn to the door then as Ryuzo came to unlock it for his bosses after spotting them outside. The pair headed inside then, greeting the rest of their employees warmly as they settled in for another very good day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap. Thank you so much for reading, the kudos and comments (I still have to get to a few from last chapter, sorry about that). I'm not sure just yet if I'll have anything more to add to this series, but never say never. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I had a few requests to write more in this universe, so here we go. :) I'm not sure how long this will be just yet.
> 
> Find me at @AslanKatsuki on Twitter.


End file.
